Jersey Shore: A Guido's Tale

I can't say I've ever been to New Jersey, nor do I know much about it. I'm aware the state bird is the "guido," and each summer flocks of them migrate to the Jersey Shore in Seaside Heights to meet "guidettes," their female counterparts, at night clubs to begin their annual mating ritual. Like the changing leaf colors of the Great Lakes Region in autumn, many "leaf peepers," or in this case "guido spotters," flock to see and document this natural phenomenon. For the Jersey Shore, MTV provided the labor of travel and recording for us.I honestly don't even like reality television. I prefer more educational programs like Spongebob and C-SPAN (Season Three). However, like the millions of other Americans, the high levels of pompous masculinity, courageously offensive language and complete lack of reality glued me to "Jersey Shore."

Although I'm aware this is an untrue depiction of New Jersey, it's sad that many Italian-American males I've met have rooted themselves deep into this marginalized stereotype. They tan frequently, lift constantly and assume all eyes are always on them. And please, don't confuse that description with me. I'm the real deal.

Regardless, the upset Italian-Americans should really just listen to "Jersey Shore" cast member Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino who says, "It's not necessarily a stereotype; it's just how it is... in New York and New Jersey, that just happens to be the style." These upset individuals should be honest with themselves and except their heritage.

I'm sure I'd be furious if a TV network created a reality show around Wisconsin, because they'd obviously select the least intelligent Wisco-natives with extreme "yooper" accents that roam this great state. I don't really care because that's not the case. To me, "Jersey Shore" is phenomenal entertainment.

I love the fact that these people can barely work through three hour shifts selling t-shirts in a shop which is next door to where they live. I love the self-given nicknames like "DJ Pauly D." In fact, my first-born child's name has already been decided: Jwoww DelVecchio Schumacher, regardless of gender. The best aspect of the show is how upset people are about it.

I think the controversy around this show is great. I'm a big fan of seeing people get worked up about nothing. I don't believe Snooki being punched in the face was an act of violence intentionally directed towards only women. It would have been wrong no matter who was being punched in the head. However, it was just a lot funnier when it was Snooki.

Dr. Seth Forman, a dermatologist from Tampa, FL, criticized the show for "glamorizing" tanning. Although his intentions were in the right place, he only brought more attention to the show as Snooki declared "she would change the world by installing tanning beds in everybody's house." I believe that was mentioned in Obama's State of the Union Address.

The fact is, the professionals and citizens with high dislike for "Jersey Shore" need to realize there aren't many people viewing them as role models. If a "tween" has any ounce of intelligence, they will realize nothing on that show, other than fist pumping, is a good idea. If a person does think these ridiculous human beings are role models, then their upbringing was terribly misleading.

If I didn't explain it well enough, why don't we have Snooki take the reins? Like she said, people "don't understand that 'guidos' and 'guidettes' are good-looking people that, you know, like to make a scene and be center of attention and just take care of themselves," and I agree, "they are old-fashioned.